Great, honest post. This is the sort of self-reflection and analysis that we aren't teaching young kids (especially boys) how to do. Instead, we have decided it's more important to validate feelings, which tells them that it was an appropriate reaction to the circumstances.
Thanks Robb! Yeah I hear you. Which, the validation of feelings is such a crucial step, especially for boys who are often told some version of “they’re being too sensitive” causing them to completely ignore feelings. But action is different than feelings. The feeling is valid, the actions aren’t. Sadly we just focus on the behavior too much and not the feeling. Connection before correction is much more helpful in the long run. We still correct behavior, but after connecting.
Agreed, that's an important distinction, which was the big downfall of behaviourism. Connection and rapport are vital, as mutual respect is a much more powerful reinforcer for behaviour than the likes of sanctions. I use examples like yours from my own life to explain to young students how emotions are natural, but how we process them is a skill we develop.
Great job. Thanks for sharing this example. It's so true that we feel out of our element sometimes when we didn't grow up learning some things. I grew up on a farm and worked with my dad a lot. I had my first home built on an acre by a company that was affordable, but I had to do all of the clean up and certain tasks. I actually love Lowe's. But I can't sew with a sewing machine and feel very out of my depth around sewing and other things. But what I do love is understanding our brains and our responses. Nice job on this article.
Understanding our brains and responses is fascinating! Often more difficult than looking through Lowes when you have no idea what’s going on haha! Thanks for the encouragement and sharing your story Susan
Great, honest post. This is the sort of self-reflection and analysis that we aren't teaching young kids (especially boys) how to do. Instead, we have decided it's more important to validate feelings, which tells them that it was an appropriate reaction to the circumstances.
Thanks Robb! Yeah I hear you. Which, the validation of feelings is such a crucial step, especially for boys who are often told some version of “they’re being too sensitive” causing them to completely ignore feelings. But action is different than feelings. The feeling is valid, the actions aren’t. Sadly we just focus on the behavior too much and not the feeling. Connection before correction is much more helpful in the long run. We still correct behavior, but after connecting.
Agreed, that's an important distinction, which was the big downfall of behaviourism. Connection and rapport are vital, as mutual respect is a much more powerful reinforcer for behaviour than the likes of sanctions. I use examples like yours from my own life to explain to young students how emotions are natural, but how we process them is a skill we develop.
Great job. Thanks for sharing this example. It's so true that we feel out of our element sometimes when we didn't grow up learning some things. I grew up on a farm and worked with my dad a lot. I had my first home built on an acre by a company that was affordable, but I had to do all of the clean up and certain tasks. I actually love Lowe's. But I can't sew with a sewing machine and feel very out of my depth around sewing and other things. But what I do love is understanding our brains and our responses. Nice job on this article.
Understanding our brains and responses is fascinating! Often more difficult than looking through Lowes when you have no idea what’s going on haha! Thanks for the encouragement and sharing your story Susan