It's interesting how you've articulated it. In other versions of this paradigm, I find a kind of astrologicalization of the concepts: "You are a this, and therefore this will happen, and you will act this way."
Ironically, like I do with most astrological content, I find parts of self arising in all categories, never really feeling like this person fits in one place. This is what I take you to mean.
It's more likely that one will find parts of "the self" arising in different styles of attachment, depending on the circumstances. That makes sense to this brain.
Yup that’s exactly it man! I like to think of it as “you might be this, then this might happen, you might act this way. If so, here’s another way to act that might be helpful.”
Really helpful Blake -thanks for your honesty and the encouragement that while attachment styles can be somewhat fluid, their impact on emotional well-being and relational health is profound.
So well explained, Blake. Thank you. What I come away with is that although I can see elements of all of these points in myself, I'm encouraged to hold them each tenderly. I am not the sum of any of them, just a real, live human. My goal is to always try to use what I've learned about my humanness with empathy towards myself and others. You do such a magnificent job of that!
This is so helpful, Blake. Thank you. I stopped dating for 4 years to really dive deep into myself after my last long term relationship which was one where my internal pain bubbled to the surface abruptly. I recently began to date again and although I find myself in a far better position emotionally, spiritually, physically – I also noticed so clearly where I still really struggled. Seeing my own attachment style illuminated, and even in those I have chosen to date. It's definitely an ever-evolving journey! Deeply appreciate this article. 🙏
Blake, I appreciate your perspective and experience. I need to think this one through. I thought the whole point of identifying various attachment styles was to propel people into the self-awareness to achieve "earned secure attachment" as an adult who doesn't want to stay stuck in childhood's emotional state. I am not a therapist, so everything I know about attachment comes from books and podcasts as I try to repeat all the good stuff my parents did and avoid all the bad stuff. You know WAY more about the practical nuts and bolts of this thing. I can see how with labels there's always the danger of someone using the label itself as a destination rather than a tool on the journey. I suspect that I have ADHD, and reading books about how to organize for the ADHD brain has really helped me, but I have a couple friends who act like when I use that label, I am somehow putting myself in a box. How do we use the label for these various upbringings, brain types, addictions, etc. while maintaining a growth mindset? Thank you for this! It's an important conversation to have, and I will be thinking this through.
It's interesting how you've articulated it. In other versions of this paradigm, I find a kind of astrologicalization of the concepts: "You are a this, and therefore this will happen, and you will act this way."
Ironically, like I do with most astrological content, I find parts of self arising in all categories, never really feeling like this person fits in one place. This is what I take you to mean.
It's more likely that one will find parts of "the self" arising in different styles of attachment, depending on the circumstances. That makes sense to this brain.
Yup that’s exactly it man! I like to think of it as “you might be this, then this might happen, you might act this way. If so, here’s another way to act that might be helpful.”
Really helpful Blake -thanks for your honesty and the encouragement that while attachment styles can be somewhat fluid, their impact on emotional well-being and relational health is profound.
Yes it is!! Thanks Doug, appreciate you.
Love this!
Thanks Nate!
So well explained, Blake. Thank you. What I come away with is that although I can see elements of all of these points in myself, I'm encouraged to hold them each tenderly. I am not the sum of any of them, just a real, live human. My goal is to always try to use what I've learned about my humanness with empathy towards myself and others. You do such a magnificent job of that!
Thank you so much Donna. Very kind of you :)
This is so helpful, Blake. Thank you. I stopped dating for 4 years to really dive deep into myself after my last long term relationship which was one where my internal pain bubbled to the surface abruptly. I recently began to date again and although I find myself in a far better position emotionally, spiritually, physically – I also noticed so clearly where I still really struggled. Seeing my own attachment style illuminated, and even in those I have chosen to date. It's definitely an ever-evolving journey! Deeply appreciate this article. 🙏
Blake, I appreciate your perspective and experience. I need to think this one through. I thought the whole point of identifying various attachment styles was to propel people into the self-awareness to achieve "earned secure attachment" as an adult who doesn't want to stay stuck in childhood's emotional state. I am not a therapist, so everything I know about attachment comes from books and podcasts as I try to repeat all the good stuff my parents did and avoid all the bad stuff. You know WAY more about the practical nuts and bolts of this thing. I can see how with labels there's always the danger of someone using the label itself as a destination rather than a tool on the journey. I suspect that I have ADHD, and reading books about how to organize for the ADHD brain has really helped me, but I have a couple friends who act like when I use that label, I am somehow putting myself in a box. How do we use the label for these various upbringings, brain types, addictions, etc. while maintaining a growth mindset? Thank you for this! It's an important conversation to have, and I will be thinking this through.