I Need to Be Honest
I think about you all a lot...
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"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken." - Oscar Wilde
Today’s letter is a bit different as I’ve been thinking about what truly matters when I write to you.
Do you ever feel like you're building something but never quite finishing? My life in this season seems to be running on coffee (probably too much), anxiously overthinking (probably thanks to the caffeine), halfway finished prayers—when I can remember praying is actually something I need—and the kind of sleep you get when raising a toddler.
I recently told my wife that this feels like a building season for me. She and I are building our family. I'm beginning to build out my first book and building my platform as a writer and thinker. My best friend and I are building a brand and men's mental health community—to name a few things.
The problem is that it's easy for me to always feel like I'm in a building season because there is always something to be worked on. That's not the hard work.
The hard work is slowing down enough to realize I'm not in a hurry and that there's tremendous value in celebrating what I've already built—what God has built within me and around me. The hardest work, for me, is taking time to do nothing but to be in the presence of God and those I love. To believe doing that is building something much richer and sustaining within me.
In this building season, I think about you all often. You who take time out of your day to read my words. You who respond to these emails and share things and offer encouragement that keeps me coming back to this truth—my words matter. You who have things going on that I'll never know about but who may be impacted by my words in that thing you have going on. I think about what you might need from me. What might be helpful for you on your journey of moving from self-protection to real connection—with yourself, others, and a God who is safe. I think about you often.
So, I research. I look up the best strategies and frameworks that people who write online supposedly "should" use to best connect with their audience. I ask AI questions that make me feel weird every time because I then realize I'm talking to a robot. I look up best ways to use my time most efficiently and how to best prioritize what matters. I talk to my friends who are authors, ghostwriters, marketers, and people in the publishing industry so I can learn how to best be a writer.
Then I see comments like this one, and it reminds me that no "hack" or "best practice" can make readers feel this way:
Consider this also your prompt to subscribe to
work if you want to hang “where contemplation meets the street corner, where silence is holy, and where the unseen places hold the most weight.” And if you’re a writer who wants to learn writing practices from someone who really knows his stuff and prioritizes authenticity.What Meiko said is exactly how I want you to feel when you come in contact with my words.
This is a high bar, but I want you to feel some of what I feel when I read Frederick Buechner's words. The best way I can describe it is that he gently invites me into rooms within myself I didn't even know existed. And not because he has the perfect hook, or best writing style, or is preaching a simple 3-step process to healing.
I'm sure he paid attention to the strategies and frameworks of writing in his day and time and incorporated what worked for him. But I don't think that's what draws me in.
He's writing from the depths of himself—honestly and vulnerably. And as he does that, I’m invited to meet him there within the depths of myself in a way that is hard to describe or even to see coming. But if I slow down enough when I'm there, I experience God in a way that I didn't see coming either. If you've read any of his work, I'm sure you know what I mean.
I don't hope to be Frederick Buechner. I want to be Blake Roberts. But my hope is that you experience even a fraction of what I've tried to just put words to.
I believe in my core that honesty and vulnerability are what truly changes us. You could say that belief is the driving force behind what we're trying to do with Three Percent.
So, back to you. I find myself wondering what you might need from me. What might be helpful for you on your journey of moving from self-protection to real connection—with yourself, others, and a God who is safe. I think about you often.
So, I practice honesty. Sure, I'll keep doing some research and try to deliver things in a way that complements (or goes against) the nature of our day and time, but I'm going to prioritize showing up in the only way I know how as a writer—the way I would if we were sitting down for coffee or sharing a meal at the table.
There are many of you that read More to the Story. Way more of you than there were at the beginning of the year. And I don't take that lightly, which is why I think of you often. You're part of the reason I've been talking with folks in the publishing industry. You're part of the reason I'm working, in the margins, on my first book proposal.
I suppose this letter is somewhat of a thank you note. A way of me slowing down for a moment to express my gratitude for this community of people and to tell you what I hope you experience by hanging out here.
More importantly... to remind you to choose honesty over what others say you should do.
And I hope you can find meaning in whatever season you find yourself in.
Fully (and possibly over) caffeinated,
Blake
In Other News
Three Percent:
The mens mental health community I mentioned is officially up and going! We have a podcast where we release episodes every Monday with leaders in the fields of theology, psychology, the arts and sports to explore all things holistic masculinity.
Here’s how to get connected:
Youtube Channel (got some fun video series planned)
Book Project:
Some of you might be wondering what the heck I was vaguely alluding to by mentioning I’m working on a book proposal. I’ve chatted with a couple agents and editors about this project. No offers or anything like that yet, but I’m surrendering to the process. Running a full private practice, raising a toddler, starting a weekly podcast and building a company tend to take most of my bandwith 😏. I’ll let you in on the process as it evolves. For now, I’m open to any feedback/encouragement my published author friends have on writing in the margins.
Recent Works:
The Paradox of Modern Masculinity
9 years ago I found myself at an intensive four-day counseling/treatment experience for an addiction that I finally got honest about. I had grown up in church, studied Christian Ministries in undergrad on my way to become a pastor, and was trying to focus on my faith–very imperfectly.
A Therapist's Guide to Navigating Complex Relationships with Parents
I remember sitting in my therapist's office about eight years ago, grappling with something I needed to start facing but also wanted to avoid. As a licensed marriage and family therapist, I have spent thousands of hours helping others navigate their relationships, yet I often find myself confronting one of the most complex aspects of my own story: my relationship with my father.
Why Safe People Can Feel Threatening
You know that moment when someone starts getting too close, and your body tenses up? When the person who you know (at an intellectual level) is safe offers comfort becomes the source of your anxiety?
Yeah, that's not just you being "difficult" or "complicated."
I am following along as a mother of two young men with whom I have shared your work. It’s wonderful to see the example you are setting for healthy relationships, deep connection and self love in a world that rewards toxic masculinity. Thank you for sharing. It’s important. It matters. A lot.
I don’t even have words to convey the impact of Frederick Buechner on my identity as a writer, a believer, a wrestler and a human being living in a world of such beauty and such ache. He is a master of words, a storyteller unlike any other. I do my best to make sure every person I know has one of his books. True treasures. And I’m automatically a fan of anyone else who shares my affection for him. 👍🏼