"we resort to rage because it gives us the illusion of control." How true is this. I often say I was born with an abundance of rage, inherited from generations of women in my family. My mother and my grandmothers' generation of Asian women had no control nor say in their own lives, but they had rage. Now I understand why, because "rage" was the only control they had.
I also think anger is the easiest and most widely accepted emotion (at least in my culture when I was growing up). Affection was too embarrassing, proud was too prideful, sad was "you think too much" or "you're too sentimental"; but rage? It was everywhere and was often justified for the parents to show.
Thanks for sharing this, it’s such an important perspective! Yes the research of epigenetics (how these things are passed down through generations) is fascinating.
also as a follow up. my little boy who is seven has wondrous large ears. He can hear a bird or a car passing from a mile away. I give them kisses and tell him he's got the best super power for listening. I had a huge head growing up and was deeply insecure. I couldn't find a single helmet that fit my head, kids called me lollipop! hahaha. I just got a helmet for my oldest son and he said, "Mom, why doesn't it fit? do i have a big head?" I responded. "What do you think about it? He paused and replied. "I guess i need to have the head size i have for all my adult sized thoughts" shrugged and ran off he's 9. I hope your ears become your best gift and super power. might be the reason you became a listener of others.
This is amazing!!! I love how, instead of answering him, you asked what he thought. That’s such a great parenting technique. And his response shows the genuine kindness kids have and how we need to foster that in them. So sweet, thank you for sharing!!
Ha, right?! It did help me to keep some silence, and I’m betting the stylist appreciated some of her own. Good reminder to remember that those around me also need that. (I’m not very chatty unless I feel like I HAVE to be😜)
I loved how your attitude toward the Dumbo comment has evolved over time…it’s not to say “sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me,” but there is healing to be found in the passage of time. 🫶🏼
"we resort to rage because it gives us the illusion of control." How true is this. I often say I was born with an abundance of rage, inherited from generations of women in my family. My mother and my grandmothers' generation of Asian women had no control nor say in their own lives, but they had rage. Now I understand why, because "rage" was the only control they had.
I also think anger is the easiest and most widely accepted emotion (at least in my culture when I was growing up). Affection was too embarrassing, proud was too prideful, sad was "you think too much" or "you're too sentimental"; but rage? It was everywhere and was often justified for the parents to show.
Thanks for sharing this, it’s such an important perspective! Yes the research of epigenetics (how these things are passed down through generations) is fascinating.
So good for that inner boy! Love the share. Your space! your body! your call! glad it was cathartic and healing.
Thanks Megan!!
also as a follow up. my little boy who is seven has wondrous large ears. He can hear a bird or a car passing from a mile away. I give them kisses and tell him he's got the best super power for listening. I had a huge head growing up and was deeply insecure. I couldn't find a single helmet that fit my head, kids called me lollipop! hahaha. I just got a helmet for my oldest son and he said, "Mom, why doesn't it fit? do i have a big head?" I responded. "What do you think about it? He paused and replied. "I guess i need to have the head size i have for all my adult sized thoughts" shrugged and ran off he's 9. I hope your ears become your best gift and super power. might be the reason you became a listener of others.
This is amazing!!! I love how, instead of answering him, you asked what he thought. That’s such a great parenting technique. And his response shows the genuine kindness kids have and how we need to foster that in them. So sweet, thank you for sharing!!
Big ole hug from Peru.
I’m actually sitting in a stylists chair reading this! Thanks for the perspective and permission!!
Oh this comment is like the matrix hah! Hope it helped you have a more embodied experience at the salon.
Enjoyed this a lot
I’m glad to hear that! 🙏
Ha, right?! It did help me to keep some silence, and I’m betting the stylist appreciated some of her own. Good reminder to remember that those around me also need that. (I’m not very chatty unless I feel like I HAVE to be😜)
I loved how your attitude toward the Dumbo comment has evolved over time…it’s not to say “sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me,” but there is healing to be found in the passage of time. 🫶🏼
Yeah that length of time may just turn into a nap lol! I’m glad it helped you pause. There’s power in the pause!